A Comedy Of Errors: Shakespeare in Real Life

Remember this? I was thinking of it as I readied the fam Sunday morning for the annual Ward Primary Program. At the time I thought that would be the most exciting Primary Program ever . . .

THE SCRIPT

The Setting: Sunday morning at our house.

The Cast: Mandy, Michael, the kids, a cello, Mazda 3 and Dora our Explorer.

Act 1:

Scene 1: The lights come up on Mandy in the bathroom styling her hair with a flat iron. The lights quickly black out as the flat iron goes supernova in a fireball of sparks. Mandy runs upstairs to flip the breaker switch, examine the black burn on the underside of her arm and to trim the singed hair ends off her head with a pair of children's scissors (she was in a rush, okay?) Her hair looks a little bit rock n' roll, but she doesn't have time to do anything about it.

Mandy: Hurry kids! We have to get to the church by 9:30 so we can get a decent seat. I want to be able to see both of you on the stand!

Kids move as slowly as they possibly can without inciting the wrath of their mother.

The phone rings.

Mandy: Hello? Hi Mikey. Did you work all night? Did you sleep at all? Sorry babe. Well, I'm glad you'll make it home in time to see the program . . . especially as you are playing the cello in the last musical number. Drive safe. Don't fall asleep. Love you too . . . bye.

Mandy sets her phone down on the desk. She never takes her cell to church because it drives her bonkers when phones ring in church.

Scene 2:

Michael and Mandy cross paths as she is herding children out the door toward the car. Michael has parked the Mazda behind Dora.

Mandy: Wait! You parked behind me!

Michael: It will only take me a few minutes to change out of these scrubs . . . just take my car, I'll take yours.

Alice: I wanna go with Daddy . . . . Please? Please? Please?

Mandy: Fine, go with dad. I'll see you in a few minutes.

Act 2:

Scene 1: Mandy settles Seth in his place up on the stand and secures a primo seat for viewing both his and Alice's angelic little faces as they sing.

Several people stop by her seat and ask where Michael is, and whether he'll make it in time for the program, which she assures them he will.

10:00 arrives and Mandy is becoming increasingly nervous. She hasn't seen hide nor hair of Michael, Alice or the cello. The meeting begins and Mandy spends most of the next ten minutes watching the door and praying that they will show up soon. At approximately 10:15 Mandy sits bolt upright in her seat with alarm.

Mandy: (whispering under her breath) I have the keys. I have both sets of keys!

Mandy leaves Thomas with some friends and bolts across the building to the church phone, and dials Michael. No Answer. Mandy leaves a message.

Mandy: Michael . . . I just realized I have the keys. I'll be home in a minute. I'm coming!

Mandy is picturing Michael carrying the cello down the hill in the rain with Alice who has a strong reputation for being the slowest walker in the family. She scopes out the lobby of the entrance her family always uses as she run/walks out of the building. No Michael, no Alice, no cello. Once out she moves into a full run, which probably looks especially graceful since she's wearing heels. (The author apologizes to anyone who had to witness that).

Scene 2: Mandy drives well over the speed limit the mile and a half home, all the while scanning the sidewalks for a wet Michael, Alice and cello. At home she finds Dora, but no Michael, no Alice, no cello. She grabs her cell phone, runs back to the car and starts dialing and driving. No Michael. No Michael. No Michael.

Finally he picks up.

Michael: Where are you?

Mandy: Where are you?

Michael: I'm at the church. Our neighbor brought us. I got your message just as we were walking in the other door . . . I tried to chase you down, but you were pulling out of the parking lot when I saw you. Hurry back, the program is starting.

Scene 3: Mandy only missed the first two songs. Alice made it up on the stand just in time. The program was lovely. No kissing the little blonde neighbor boy. Michael was tired, but the cello sounded great. After the meeting he recounts the pleasure of knocking on all the neighbor's doors looking for a ride while dressed in his suit on a Sunday morning. Now they really all think we are crazy Mormons. Mandy has a lot of guilt about the keys.

Later at church our friend/neighbor informs us that Michael had called her cell and she'd been trying to call him back with no luck. His phone hadn't logged any of Mandy's calls (but the one from the church) either.

. . .

The story ends with Mandy in the T-Mobile store begging the sales guy to figure out what is wrong with their phones. After a 40 minute wait he replaces both our SIM cards. On a way out the door he mentions "Yeah, and if that doesn't help, it's probably because there is a tower out in ____" (And do you know which neighborhood he mentions? Do you? Well I'll tell you . . . it was ours.)

(Curtain falls . . . The End)

Performance rights must be secured before live production.