I saw a TV spot last week about a mom who fed her family of five on something like $25 a week. Of course I thought, "I can do that. Cutting coupons isn't that hard. I am good at working scissors." So I tried it.
First I looked through the 478 pages of coupons that come as inserts in the Sunday paper. I found two coupons that I like . . . one for ricotta cheese and one for mascara. Two coupons is not going to save me $116 a week on groceries, and reading 478 pages of offers was not worth the 3 1/2 hours of my time nor the paper cut and subsequent Hello Kitty Band-Aid.
Then I more closely scrutinized what coupons I passed over. What is this $25/ week lady buying for her family? Half the coupons are for over-the-counter pharmaceuticals! I can just picture her telling little Johnny that he has to eat Prilosec for breakfast because that is what the coupon was for. Poor Johnny. He'll be hungry by recess, but at least his heartburn won't bother him. I did not see one coupon for fruit. That makes me bananas. I spend bunches and bushels of grocery money on fruit.
This woman also bought items at drug stores and mailed in rebates to save money, so I looked into the rebate program. First you to sign up and let them send junk mail to your e-mail address and to your mailing address. Then you have to figure out what is on special in the store that week. Then you have to go there and buy it. Then you have to copy receipts, mail them, wait a few months . . . and finally you get a check in the mail for $2.14. I am too lazy to do this.
I may not need coupons anyway. If the economy tanks any more we might have to move to the barter system. When currency becomes irrelevant I can trade Legos, mismatched socks and the skills of a somewhat-official doctor. Any takers?
