Life's New and Improved Lessons

Never Wake a Sleeping Baby.
Unless he fell asleep with a stinky diaper on his bottom and a half-chewed chicken nugget in his mouth.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Unless you live with a doctor. Then try garlic.

Man cannot live on bread alone.
I have a kid that can, though.

You are what you eat.
In that case I have a child that who should resemble a giant piece of bread.

Crime doesn't pay.
Last week at the checkout counter at Albertson's the checker was fawning over how cute Alice was. That is, until Alice said, "Guess what? Today at lunch I was laughing so hard that I burped and tooted at the same time!" While we were thusly distracted, T was busy snatching the checkout line candy from his seat in the toy car attached to the front of the shopping cart. When discovered, Seth exclaimed, "Good idea T! Save that, we might need it for later!"

Pretty is as pretty does.
And naughty is as naughty does.

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
Nobody ever said anything about how you have to get up nine times in the night to get water, wipe bums and check for snakes under the bed. Then, you have to rise early because there are so many extra bodies in the bed that you fall off.

The early bird gets the worm.
And the last Pop-Tart.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Or grouchy and whiny.


Attention soccer fans! Click here to visit Shonda's blog. Cute, huh? Now guess which legs are mine! The prize I am offering for this exciting contest is the privilege of being right!
(No fair guessing if you are on the team.)