Vintage Tears

This picture of a family gathering has recently surfaced from the past, courtesy of my cousins (also pictured).

I'm the one on the right. Yes, I am crying. Since I was a perfectly angelic child, I have been searching for an explanation for my tears in this picture. I have deduced that one of the following must have happened:

a) Charity (the cousin closest to me) pinched me. She denies it, but is an impeccable actress, and the innocent look on her face could easily be feigned.

b) Someone wanted me to eat. I was a notoriously picky eater, a trait my children have inherited and torment me with daily.

c) I was extremely alarmed at the close proximity of my little brother Jordan (pictured at the far end of the table) who couldn't have been much older than three, to the river.

d) I had realized that my bangs took up half my head, and the braids on the other half of my head were too tight.

e) I may also have just been informed of the high probability that as I grew up my hair would darken from a glossy light blonde (I wanted to look like Barbie) to a mousy brown color. This is a fact I am actually now at peace with, but at the age of five (or six?) I would have found distressing.

f) The television network had just canceled Jem and I was in mourning.

g) I couldn't find my favorite cassette with Kool 'n The Gang singing Celebrate and Funky Town.

h) Somebody beat me at Space Invaders on the Atari.